Finding your voice

detail of tryptique

Blue tree tryptique

I used to try to paint like artists I admired. It depended on the week or the season, or the book I had just bought. Sometimes I used lots of color- or none, other times I tried straight, rigid lines- or I just poured the paint on. I think I tried just about every style but it never seemed quite right. For one thing I got bored and could never do two in a row in the same style. After a while I started to "just doodle" with paint or crayons. I found that my doodles were always quite similar, this was the same with my free paintings when I wasn't copying the Artist of the Day. I tried very hard to stop painting and doodling in the same way all the time. I always found my work over-busy. I began to correct my busy paintings by painting over some parts, this gave them breathing space and I was a little more satisfied. But I still had that voice inside that always said "I wish I could paint like so and so".

En francais

Avant, j'essayais de peindre comme les artistes que j'admirais. Selon le jour de la semaine, la saison ou le livre d'art du moment, j'adaptais mon style. Parfois j'utilisais beaucoup de couleur ou pas, des lignes rigides ou des sceaux de peinture, j'ai tout essaye. Je n'arrivais jamais a faire deux peintures du meme style, cela m'ennuyait. Apres un certain temps j'ai commence a peindre et a dessiner tres librement "un peu n'importe quoi". Je trouvais que mes essais libres se ressemblaient tous, ca m'irritait et je m'efforcais a faire d'une autre maniere, sans succes. J'ai commencais a corriger mes peintures en peignant par dessus certaines parties ce qui les ameliora. Mais dans ma tete j'avais toujours la petite voix qui voulait "peindre comme untel".

When I began quilting in 2007, it gave me the idea to start cutting up my paintings because I only liked certain parts of them. It also gave me the freedom to paint because I knew I would be cutting to reassemble anyway so there was no risk, no huge white canvas I was probably going to ruin! Without this fear I was able to increase my production and in doing so I began to see my work emerge. The same shapes, colors, and composition keep seeping in. I am incapable of doing it differently. I am at a point right now where I am beginning to accept the fact that this "style" of painting is in fact my own voice, whether I like it or not. I've seen the image in the mirror and have discovered it's me.

En francais

Quand j'ai commence le patchwork/quilting en 2007 j'ai eu l'idee de decouper mes toiles, de toute facon je n'aimais que certaines parties. C'etait une veritable liberation car je savais que j'allais les decouper et les rassembler pour ensuite les coudre. Il n'y avait aucun risque, je n'allais pas gacher ma belle toile vierge. Cela avait pour resultat une augmentation de ma production, j'ai commence a voir les memes formes, couleurs et compositons emerger. Je suis incapable de faire autrement, j'arrive a un stade ou j'accepte ce "style" de peinture qui est en fait ma propre voix, que j'aime ou pas. Je vois l'image dans la glace et c'est moi.